If only humans could hibernate. I would take a couple of weeks off my life every month. Living in an overcrowded, chaotic, dirty, and smelly city like Mumbai makes me envious of the people who are geographically privileged.
I'm realising how much my intolerance has increased towards noise, incessant chatting, gossip, and people hovering around. I'm struggling to make peace with the fact that these things are beyond my control. Why can't I be zen about it? WHY?
I know it's a me-problem that I get so overwhelmed and anxious about these things that it simply shuts my brain down. I simply can't function and feel like sleeping forever to escape the world. I long for a silence that I know I would never get. I have always been surrounded by extroverted energies who, problematic enough for me, get charged by social interaction. Why are people so unaware of how loud they are or how their actions bother others? Why do people have to gossip so much? Why can't they mind their own fucking business? Why do they have to feel good when someone else is having a bad day? Why does their "compassion" feel performative and more like a nosy curiosity? Why are they always thinking and yapping about themselves so much that they are not considerate of bothering people in public spaces?
Why is it so difficult to stay emotionally controlled all the time? Why? Sometimes, I wonder why I live in this city, which feels like a living hell sometimes.
What should I do about this increasing intolerance of mine? Die? Or maybe burst my eardrums so I go deaf? I really don't care if that turns out to be fatal. We are all going to turn into dust anyway.
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