Friday, September 29, 2023

rant.ignore.

Where should I put this horrible feeling of guilt? It's consuming me so badly... While standing on the track today, I just wanted the train to hit me quickly enough to tear my being apart into pieces. I am so overwhelmed at the moment that I scared a few good people. Will I have to take this to my grave? 
Why am not able to be happy even for a minute? Why am I never happy? Why does my past haunt me so badly that it's making me want to kill myself? 
I'm hurting so bad right now... the emotional pain is so much right now..  
Why is it difficult for me to ask for a warm hug? Why is it difficult for me to trust someone with my thoughts?
Why is it difficult for me to just let go off my past and forget all the abuse I so foolishly endured?
Why is it so difficult for me to not be so naive every fucking time?
Why I always feel like my mind is going to explode into pieces and I won't bother to pick them up... 
Why? 
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