unsafe

It's funny how you feel unsafe 

in your own company

like, you're always afraid 

that you'll harm yourself

when left alone

your heart races so fast

as if it's desperate 

to chase death

your body aches 

your mind is lit on fire

sure to disintegrate 

with the slightest blow of 

your haunting memories

anxiety attacks you 

when you're all alone

and unarmed

leaves you gasping for breath 

and wanting self-harm

clueless, dizzy, and exhausted

when I survive this the next day

I pull myself together

and write such clichés 😜

stranger

I met that stranger again yesterday

she told me how ugly i look...

that, eventually, i won't be able to identify myself anymore

that i deserve to live with my sins

that my mind will never find peace, never be sane

what should i do? i ask her

she leaves without giving me any answers

I met her again today

she told me how sad i look...

that when i die, people will forget me in days

that i deserve to not be loved

that my soul will continue to burn 

even after i turn into ashes

tell me, what should i do? i plead

she leaves without giving me any answers, again

when she slides into the mirror 

to meet me tomorrow,

i will smash my head against it 

and make her finally go away

hopefully, that will ease my pain

and never see her again

find me on a moonless night

You know eating that greasy slice of pizza right after your emotional gluttony may invite death... you still eat it... to fill the void in your heart that's aching so bad that it might combust.

You know the needle of that tattoo machine would pierce right through your skin leaving you with a painful, yet beautiful scar... you still ask for it.. to make your empty soul feel beautiful. Also, because you deserve that pain.

You know that being lonely brings back haunting memories of your past and sins... you still long for it... to punish yourself persistently.

There are times when I long for a quick death, and there are times when I feel I deserve to suffer slowly... living with an insane mind for a long time is what serves me best.

When I turn to dust, my powdery remains will be sprinkled across the ocean... you'll find them floating on the turbulent waters and crashing on the rocks every moonless night... struggling to dissolve into the angry tidal waves that once resembled my singed, unhinged mind.